Chapter 1 - Reflection

Have you ever taken a long hard look at your life? Sitting here in this moment, looking back at my life, at the past, then fast forwarding to where I am now. It allows me to dissect the past. To dig deeper into my life.

I’m starting to understand exactly who I am and why I am the person I am today.

As I am reflecting on pivotal events I am now able to feel and experience the emotions from a more mature perspective. Now that I am an adult, I can look at certain events that happened as a child and figure out why I feel the way I do today. It is no mystery why I struggle with insecurities and unhappiness. When you experience the pain and circumstances I have, you can’t help to think., Geez! Even the maturest of people would have a hard time dealing with these issues. And forget being able to fully realize that there is a lesson in every obstacle and challenge. It’s not about just getting through it.

During storms of life, it is difficult to truly understand why things are happening.  To truly learn to embrace the dark moments and know that life is molding you into the person you are becoming. 

Did you ever wonder:

• Why you are the way you are?
• Why you think the way you think? 
• Believe what you believe? 
• Act the way you act? 
• Is it learned behavior, genetics, or a combination of the two? 

Taking time to look back and reflect, I was in search of those moments that defined me.  Searching as far back as I can remember. What made me into who I am?  Really digging deep to define who the influencer's were in my life. Once you do, you realize that as a child you don’t have a choice of the places and people you are exposed to. You are a product of your environment.  Why were they allowed to be influencers? Was it my choice to allow them to influence me? 

What made me choose the paths I chose? Who influenced me to choose a particular path? Did I think for myself or act upon feeling and emotion? Did I stop to consider the circumstances I was in?  And most importantly, did I think about how these decisions would affect my future?  Considering all this, I started to ask myself.  “Who is influencing my life currently?"